Now we are in the official “wait” stage of the adoption process.

At American Adoptions, where we are adopting from, there is an Adoption situations web page that is updated fairly often. An adoption situation is where a  baby is available and where they are actively looking for an adoptive family. This web page, that is shown to all public has category A situations. Here it is. These category A situations are where either the birth mother did not find any waiting parent profiles she liked OR there are no waiting parents who match up or would take her baby (usually a case where the mom has abused drugs or the baby has a known defect). I look at this almost daily and see some sad things. Right now there is a Spina Befida baby on there. So sad, I hope there is someone out there willing to take on that challenge.

We will be looking in a different pool of babies, not seen by the public. But we always have the option to ask American Adoptions to submit us for one of these less fortunate babies.

We are all signed up for the adoption program that leans heavy on biracial and African American placement.. What if a mother does not choose us because we appear to be the whitest family ever? I do not think there is anything but Caucasian in our entire family. Croy and I have many friends from India and all over the world. We both have befriended many people where we do not see color of the skin meaning anything.  How do we tell the birth mother that we will embrace her child’s heritage and teach her child that a person is a person no matter what race they are, without sounding like we are desperate.. This, getting acceptance from a woman who does not know us, is the largest hurdle. It’s likely the first of many.

I hate to say it but the profile and birth mother letter are just marketing documents. I really do not want to fool anyone about who we are, but the only way (it seems) to do it is to conform. I wish there was a more honest way to show someone who we were, that the adoption agency would allow. They all want us to write about specific things such as:

• What does it mean to be parents and what do you like most or expect to like most about being parents?
• What is your cultural heritage?
• How will you address cultural diversity?
• What are your family traditions?
• What type of education will you provide for the child?
• What are your strengths as individuals?
• Do you have other children?
• What are your religious beliefs?
• Out favorite things

Everyone has the same topics. And everyone is writing what they think the birth mother wants to hear. Then the agency takes our photos and what we have written and drops it all in the same template web page/brochure that all the other waiting parents have.  These poor birth mothers see the same stuff everywhere, how can they choose? Is there a reason that they want to make us all look alike? I want to task you with just looking at some of the adoptive profiles out there and see if you find something/someone different. Then tell me if that person is going to get chosen to bring up a child.

Ok, Mombie is ranting now and getting herself worked up. She must go and pre-clean the house, for the cleaning fairies are coming tomorrow to mop, scrub and dust.